Casualty of War

Where was he

When they were taking me

Breaking me

Flame fading gradually

And where was he

Every night

Afraid to fight

Longing for insight

Hope that it would be alright

Why didn’t he rescue me

When they were touching me

Watching me

So ashamed

I took the blame

When loneliness

Turned to restlessness

Put on my running shoes

Eloped with booze

Kept up the show

(Thought I fooled them, you know)

Where was he when I lost my way

Couldn’t pray

Or figure out how to stay

Where were you

When I was just like you

She’d shake her head

“What’ll I do with you?”

Where were you when I closed the door

Could give no more

Defense turned to offense

Abandoning my innocence

Took control

Watched them bleed

At last defeated

My crippling need

Took my medicine

Let it sink right in

Felt the pain

Tapped a vein

All by myself, you see

Little ole me

Found the path to being whole

This lifeless, empty, broken soul

Where were you

When I forgave you

For leaving me

Forcing me free

Letting me stumble on my own

Mostly stoned

Always alone

Finally chose to know

You’re never gonna show

Silly dreams are for little girls

Forget flowers, bring pearls

Not from from a boy

And not to wear

To justify this icy glare

To celebrate

Common sense

Independence

(I made it, Mama

Aren’t you proud?)

Remember when three was a crowd?

Finally perfected

The golden doll you created

Baited

Evaded

Silently berated

Wait, Desiree

Don’t stand on that rug

Silly mug

Have you learned nothing

Over the years

We’re switching gears

For your hero arrived, afterall

Quick, grab your dress for the ball

Don’t dwell in the past

You simple ass

Forgive, move on

Don’t be the jaded one

You’re grown now, let it go

Just let it go

Be sure to catch up

Hurry up

They think I can’t hear them whisper

She’ll never keep up

But, wait, Mama

I thought we were a team

Exchanging glances, they beam

Mocking my naivety

Let’s just run away

She’ll be okay, this we know

After all, we created that freak show

Excess baggage, still in tow

I realize as I’m jumping ship

I’d rather drown than take this trip

The water’s cold

And dark with terror

Yet comforts me

Painting me fairer

They feign concern

Holding onto one another

I close my eyes, let go,

At least they have each other

One thought on “Casualty of War

  1. I’m not even sure what to say. Your answer was “empathy”. And now my shirt is wet with tears and I’m shaking. Grown men aren’t supposed to cry. This was extremely touching.

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